Dollar Bets Are Lame Anyway.
No, dollar bets are okay. I'm still a fan of the subjective dollar bet. It's just that, well, let's just say I didn't run off buying any two dollar milkshakes after Constantine. For the record, I paid Matt and Will a dollar each because they and our impartial judge - Dan - deemed Constantine less than 50% good. I must also note that I enjoyed the film, was even engaged in the semi-ridiculous plot and did not chuckle once at the cheesier elements. No, I'm not bitter. Not even bitter about getting caught in a maelstrom of theater-going obnoxiousness. Hey, man, I'm cool. I can tolerate some noise, some fidgeting, some youngsters illustrating their lack of comprehension with short bursts of screaming. I am not one of fragile nerves. But I must further note that I was impressed by our proximity to:
1) A loving father who brought four kids under the age of 5 to the Friday night premiere of the R-rated Constantine and sat 'em down to Matt's right. I'm not sure what freaked me out more: their completely understandable yelling and carrying on and shrieks of fright OR their catatonic like state in the movie's second act induced presumably by the repeated graphic visions of Hell, Demons and Satan up on screen. Happy nightmares, kids!
2) A couple sitting in front of us that couldn't sit still, bouncing up and down in their seats, 'getting comfortable' for the greater part of 2 hours. "Oh, did we fracture your kneecaps? We don't give a fuck. We're sorta in love! YAY!"
3) A handful of people behind us making jokes about the movie that STARTED at 'unfunny' and finished up 2 hours later at 'depressingly unfunny and loud.' Example: "Oh man, he got fucked up. He got fucked up good in the movie. In the movie I'm looking at right now, there is a man who got what he deserved. Keanu ha ha Keanu and the devil and wheeeee I'm in the movies and I'm talking so much now because I'm so lonely during the bulk of my life. Ha ha Keanu shut up! He did shut up! HA HA HA!"
Stay tuned for future adventures in low stakes, matters of opinion betting.
1) A loving father who brought four kids under the age of 5 to the Friday night premiere of the R-rated Constantine and sat 'em down to Matt's right. I'm not sure what freaked me out more: their completely understandable yelling and carrying on and shrieks of fright OR their catatonic like state in the movie's second act induced presumably by the repeated graphic visions of Hell, Demons and Satan up on screen. Happy nightmares, kids!
2) A couple sitting in front of us that couldn't sit still, bouncing up and down in their seats, 'getting comfortable' for the greater part of 2 hours. "Oh, did we fracture your kneecaps? We don't give a fuck. We're sorta in love! YAY!"
3) A handful of people behind us making jokes about the movie that STARTED at 'unfunny' and finished up 2 hours later at 'depressingly unfunny and loud.' Example: "Oh man, he got fucked up. He got fucked up good in the movie. In the movie I'm looking at right now, there is a man who got what he deserved. Keanu ha ha Keanu and the devil and wheeeee I'm in the movies and I'm talking so much now because I'm so lonely during the bulk of my life. Ha ha Keanu shut up! He did shut up! HA HA HA!"
Stay tuned for future adventures in low stakes, matters of opinion betting.
posted by Casimir at 9:55 PM
2 Comments:
I'm turning into such an old crank - but this is why I dislike going to the movies anymore. And I miss going... so sad.
Maybe you should start carrying the Urban Asshole cards with you. Of course, you might have to order a pack of 100.
I have had some bad luck at the movies lately with rowdy borderline surreal distraction. Yet, I remain ever hopeful. I think the better lesson is try to avoid opening night if you can help it.
That being said, if you wait too long, the truly freaky, who don't care what movie they're seeing, come out to annoy. They don't crowd you as much but they take up space with their insanity.
I think - and this is still pending further investigation - the best time to see a movie is in the middle of the day about a week after its release. Witness the sober quiet of the early-rising unemployed.
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