Whatever. Fuck flossing. I'm doing it. I'm not enjoying it.
Tooth-brushing? Another story. That, I'm enjoying immensely. It turns out there is a trick to immensely enjoying your tooth-brushing experience:
Buy more toothpaste!
Lest you think I am a plant for the toothpaste companies of America, I do not recommend any one brand. Also, if you can steal it, I think you should steal it. I'm merely suggesting, by whatever means, having more toothpaste on hand.
When I moved into my new apartment, I went out to the neighborhood Rite-Aid and bought a healthy-looking toothpaste. The baking soda component was fine for a week or two but then it started to taste like baking soda. Brushing became a chore. I don't like it when something I have to do in the morning and revisit later in the evening is a drag. Sadly, I was raised with the mindset that you buy one tube of toothpaste at a time and use it all the way up until it's done. So week after week, I would use this crappy, pasty toothpaste and silently bemoan the fact that it wasn't even halfway done. It felt like months went by before I started rolling up the bottom.
Around this time, I realized something I tend to realize from time to time but then promptly forget: I am a grown-up. And as a card-carrying member in the grown-up social club, I am allowed to do whatever the eff I want. Like... buy lots of different flavors of toothpaste (healthy and non-healthy) and stack them in an artistically pleasing manner between my two black sinks (I have a funny apartment).
Not only will you appreciate the bevy of possibilities awaiting you every morning and every night, you will spend no more money than you would have anyway. You're merely front-loading your toothpaste budget.
If you can haggle, maybe you're even in a position to ask for a wholesale price.
Anyway, I threw out that original Baking soda toothpaste and visited my neighborhood deli to buy 4 new tubes of toothpaste. One Aquafresh. One Crest. And two Colgates - whitening and mint. Since then I've accumulated three more tubes and have them all in heavy rotation. My favorite is the Pepsodent which has always been a very pleasant flavor. But I most appreciate the bright pink/purple color of the candy-flavored toothpaste my girlfriend bought me. It is not tubed shaped and is almost definitely as bad for my teeth as rinsing with Dr. Pepper might be - despite its micro-whitening strips.
Achieve a more fulfilling brushing experience by allowing yourself constant choice. Exert control over the mundane.