September 1, 2006
To: Children, Earthly Plane
Re: Award year 2006-07
Dear Child (age 3 - 12) and/or Applicant on Child’s behalf,
I would like to thank you for writing me to appeal for divine intervention.
Your thoughtfully worded query and/or concerns demonstrate a fresh take on how the world I made for you works and what you need to succeed in it. It’s been great to get some feedback from the younger generations. I hear you.
Every year, I receive an inspiring number of letters, prayers and shouted pleas from a vast pool of eligible, children applicants. This year was no different as the number of pleas for varying levels of deliverance, salvation or worldly reward exceeded infinity. To my dismay, I am only able to offer a few candidates the salvation they desire.
Timothy Reed Smith (East Lansing, Michigan), Keisha Jackson (Newark, New Jersey) and Xu Hing Fei (Henan Province, China) were granted the ponies they applied for. James Whitaker (Juneau, Alaska) will find his request for a cancerous growth on his dog Ralph’s hind leg to be rendered benign has been approved. Marie Van Douten (Netherlands) will, in fact, not be grounded and Ali Al Hayed (Dubai, United Arab Emirates) can have ice cream for breakfast all week.
Unfortunately, at this time, I have the unenviable task of letting you know I am not able to accommodate your request. This is definitely the hardest part of my job. You might not believe it, but there are limits to omnipotence.
I strongly encourage you to pray to me again in the coming award year. I look forward to reading your future letters.