Monday, January 15, 2007

24 (Jack Bauer's day-off)

Speaking of 24, I've always thought that there should be at least one season devoted to a milder day in Jack Bauer's life.

Forgetting the fact that the amount of trauma and urgency in his life would make most humans' hearts explode, I think the show runs the risk of becoming too repetitive. Last night I saw a commercial for a Fox News segment that promised to explain why this season of 24 would be "different than all the rest."

I'm sure that Fox News broke it down in an impartially insightful manner but I can't imagine how this season is actually that "different." Jack may be facing new enemies and have new permutations of obstacles blocking his path but it's still about him spending a harrowing day saving the world and being in danger. How different can life-threatening situations be?

Provided that Jack Bauer survives this season (FYI - Kiefer's signed a three year contract with the show), I think everyone would benefit from a relaxing season of 24:

01:00:00 - Jack tosses and turns in his sleep. He turns on the TV and watches old SNL reruns.
02:00:00 - Still unable to sleep, Jack gets out of bed and calls an ex-girlfriend. They have an awkward but fulfilling conversation.
03:00:00 - Jack does some emailing. His iCal reminds him CTU is having its company-wide picnic today.
04:00:00 - Jack makes himself some tea. He looks at pictures of his wife (killed in the first season) and misses her.
05:00:00 - Jack fills the bird feeder at his beachfront apartment. He watches the sun rise. The waves are breaking nicely.
06:00:00 - Jack goes for an early dip in the ocean. He talks to some surfers. They encourage him to ride a few waves. He decides to go for it and enjoys the experience.
07:00:00 - Jack cooks up a killer omelet. He eats the omelet and writes in his journal.
08:00:00 - Jack takes a shower and gets dressed. He loads up the car with some Frisbees, a croquet set and a cooler of beers
09:00:00 - Jack drives to the park in LA where the picnic is taking place. Jack punches the ceiling of the car because of the plethora of commercials on his favorite classic rock station. He laughs at how easily he gets frustrated. He switches to NPR and listens to This American Life.
10:00:00 - Jack meets up with the CTU gang and helps set up the grill. Everyone chats about the last terrorist threat they stopped. Jack talks about the Chinese prison he was in and how he's psyched to just chill out for a while. Someone hits Bill Buchanan in the head with a Frisbee.
11:00:00 - A game of Frisbee football develops. Jack wrestles with his competitive nature when he winds up on the worse team. Breathing the fresh air and enjoying the nice day, Jack decides to just relax and have fun.
12:00:00 - The first wave of burgers is ready. Everyone rushes over to the grill with their buns. Jack is first in line but lets the new girl in CTU's administration cut in front of him. She gives him a look. Chloe gets jealous. Jack smiles sheepishly at Chloe.
13:00:00 - Jack and Bill talk about sports. Jack goes for another burger but decides to have a dog instead. He talks about how mustard & ketchup is the best combo.
14:00:00 - Jack and Chloe go for a walk. He talks about his ex-wife a little too much and apologizes for being self-absorbed.
15:00:00 - Jack and Chloe make out.
16:00:00 - Jack and Chloe talk about how they're both not in the right place for a relationship right now. They make plans to see a movie later that week - as friends.
17:00:00 - CTU cleans up after a good day of fun. Bill Buchanan gets a cooler of Gatorade dumped on him.
18:00:00 - Jack gets a call from the president - Wayne Palmer. They talk about sports. Wayne invites Jack to come have a drink at the white house sometime next week. Jack says he will.
19:00:00 - Jack drives home. He gets home and feels restless.
20:00:00 - Jack calls Chloe and asks her if she wants to get a drink. She says yes, she was hoping he'd call. She uses hi-tech satellite triangulation to find an out-of-the-way bar that isn't too trendy. They agree to meet there in an hour.
21:00:00 - Jack gets to the bar and gets a drink. He's a little nervous. He goes in the bathroom and looks in the mirror, monologueing about how he's faced down terrorists and assassins so why should he be nervous on a date with his old friend, Chloe. He comes out of the bathroom just as Chloe enters the bar. They look at each other.
22:00:00 - They have some drinks. Chloe insists on buying the first round. A guy brushes up against Chloe in a sleazy manner. Jack clicks the safety off on his gun. Chloe shakes her head. Jack relaxes and laughs at himself. He puts his gun away.
23:00:00 - Jack and Chloe get a little drunk. They are very affectionate with each other. Jack runs into the sleazy guy in the bathroom and demands he apologize to Chloe or Jack will drown him in the sink. The guy apologizes and leaves the bar in a hurry.
00:00:00 - Jack and Chloe leave the bar and head back to Chloe's place. They start making out. It gets a little heavy. Chloe asks Jack if he has any condoms. He doesn't. Jack drives to the local convenience store and buys some Trojans - ribbed. He heads back to her apartment and has trouble finding parking. He breaks into a car, hotwires it, re-parks it by a hydrant and moves his car into the newly open spot. He looks at his gun and decides he doesn't need to carry it tonight. He puts it in the glove compartment. He heads into Chloe's apartment.


Anonymous Frank 'viperteq' Young said...

Man that was the best season of "24" ever!!!!!

7:36 PM  
Blogger Seth said...

Is it true that Chloe has Asperger's Syndrome?

2:06 PM  
Blogger Melody said...

That's certainly one helluva lot better than the crap they've got going this season.

Anything that ends with Chloe and Jack in a clench, I have to get behind.

10:12 PM  
Blogger Casimir said...

Except for the qualitative impairment in social interaction, the presence of restricted, repetitive and stereotyped behaviors, and significant impairment in important areas of functioning, Asperger's Syndrome sounds like a lot of fun.

11:17 AM  
Blogger Bob Jingle said...

Nice, snorted a few times in my cubicle and got some weird looks. Thanks for that.

One thing though, Jack can't have a normal day. I've always imagined that every action he takes bears as much consequence as saving the world.

7:45 AM  

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